I remember the moment I realized a Soul I was communicating with had committed suicide. I had the shivers as he recalled why he’d taken his life. As a medium, I receive all kinds of feelings. I experience physical sensations and emotions of souls as if they are my own. They show me memories, words, and numbers that are significant to them to validate their continued existence on the other side.

I believe that we do not die; that we live on in another body called the Soul. At this point, it’s more than a belief. I know we live on. The proof is endless if you’re open to it.

So, when a soul approached me to ask forgiveness for their premature death due to suicide, I decided to post their words hoping they lead you to peace and greater understanding.

Here is what your friend/ loved one would tell you about their suicide:

Knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have made the decision that cost me my life and deeply affected yours.

Upon my death- there was a moment of complete release; I felt no pain at all just a comfortable sensation of peace as I lifted out of my body and soared upward toward a beautiful light. I looked at my hands and noticed that they were light too then I realized my entire body was different shades of rainbow light. I was wrapped in peace as though nothing was ever wrong with me. What was once hard to see or understand about myself soon became clear and I could feel my innocence. What a stark contrast to the suffering I felt moments before. Love was within me and around me. Even though I’d felt alone for as long as I could remember, I now knew I wasn’t. A loved one came toward me, hand outstretched and my dog was there too! I was told they would help me adjust in the afterlife and that there was nothing to fear.

I am healing now and I want you to heal too. Over here we have counselors and helpers who talk with us. Together we share friendship and healing. I’m learning a lot about who I was while on earth and what led me to the final decision to end my life. I had no clue how amazing I was! Now I know and can feel how beautiful I am, and I can see with crystal clarity the reasons I got stuck and slid on a downward path. I was afraid. Afraid to reach out and look stupid, or weak. Afraid of my feelings and what my loved ones would say about me if they knew the thoughts I was thinking. I wasn’t willing to be open and I got stuck in my head. I stopped looking for reasons to live. I was tunnel visioned and adding up all the reasons life sucked. I can now see that I decided a long time ago, I was worthless. I wouldn’t let people get too close to me in case they hurt me, so I shut down. I used to think the world was selfish but I couldn’t see that by not letting people love me, I was being selfish. The helpers in Spirit showed me that when I was afraid to open up and accept love, my light body lost it’s ‘buoyancy’ and my ability to slough off anxiety, negative thoughts and rough circumstances was weakened. Every time I shut down, wouldn’t accept help or give help where it was needed, I added to the overcoat of fear. After awhile I was so weighted down, I lost all sense of myself and started to project my pain onto others. Instead of seeing my friends and family as loving me, I began to see that they would be better off without me. It was not my time to die but I am not being punished for the action I took. I have work to do to grow and part of that work is helping others. I don’t need schooling (yahoo!) because my life experiences were the training and I’ll be able to add to someone’s life through the lessons I learned and refused to learn.

My life had meaning, I just didn’t see it. Life is precious and has meaning.

I hope you can see that it takes time to fall into this dark place and that I had so many opportunities to heal. I just didn’t take them. But don’t worry about me because I can help you now and many others like me who were afraid. You have a purpose! Your purpose is so important. I’m sorry that my actions caused you to stop accepting love, to trust less and fear the loss of other loved ones. I hope you can feel my loving presence in your thoughts and around you when you need me. If you want to honor me, please imagine me smiling. Dismiss my suffering except to help another through their own. I am so much more than one moment of death. I’m sorry I hurt you. I love you. Please forgive me and forgive yourself. See your light. Stop looking for your darkness. Drop the friends who don’t get you and focus on the ones who do. You mean so much to me. All your prayers are received and our good memories will be treasured forever. We will meet again.